Today I cried…

*originally posted June 4th

Everything pent up broke free and crashed upon me.  When is it that we realize what we’ve held in, what we’ve kept scared in a dark corner?  What # paintbrush will He use to make that perfect brush stroke that before had underpainting and greyness.

I watched The Business of being Born and I cried.

I felt robbed.

I felt robbed of those love hormones that bring together mom and baby after birth.  I felt robbed of an experience that wasn’t complete.  I cannot express the emotion I now feel or the loss I feel.  I can explain the push it gives me to stand firm in what we chose for our family.

Without great pain you cannot have a great experience.  This I believe in.  This God has taught me.

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