Archive for the ‘Birthing’ Category

My Gift

I am in my last days of pregnancy.  Certain signs have cropped up that it will be sooner rather then later.  Midwife has told me I am 2cm dilated.  Which could mean nothing, though she does not think it likely I will make it to 40 weeks.  If I do this will be better for the child and I will have the house more prepared.  However it leaves us completely homebound and staying put until the baby comes.  I had a frenetic beginning of my week when I had these “signs” crop up and from experience with Sloane I was fearful that I would go any day.  However since these signs things have changed a bit.  Maybe it’s just my attitude, but I don’t think so.

Contractions have become less severe and calmed down.  Pain in my hip has lessened as well.  I feel very peaceful and slept better last night then I have in a long time.  I have energy I haven’t had in quite awhile and I am actually getting things done I have put off forever.  There is still a lot to do, but I don’t really feel that worried about it.  There are things I have urges to do.  Silly things, like hang my copper wreath up on my front door to celebrate Fall being here.  Decorating the house with Fall items to welcome baby.  Decorate in general.

I find myself staring outside at the beautiful sunshine and clouds and feeling an overwhelming joy and peace at the beauty.  Hot apple cider has been on the stove all day and it smells wonderful.  Chicken stock just finished and it mingles with the cider and smells like the liquid gold it is.  I love being a homemaker, I love Fall, I love making my house a Home.  I feel so at ease and peaceful and ready to bring this baby into our world.  I am confidant that my daughter is ready for a sibling, she talks every day about baby being born.

I am amazed at the way my Father made my body to do this miracle work and the way everything is working together towards good, even when it feels like pain.  I can rest in the knowledge that this pain brings good.  Bearing babies is no longer a curse, is it?  Even in His curses He provides rest, blessings and joy.  He provides Love abundant.  I await eagerly and anticipate even the labor and birth of my second baby.  I don’t dread it and when people ask me if I am afraid.  I calmly tell them “no, I am more confidant then ever.”  I know it will bring things I do not expect, but it will bring so much joy.  I want to fight for this glorious thing.  I want to give in to this glorious thing.  I want to trust that God made me sufficient and quite good enough to birth a baby into this world.  I want to trust that He will see me through this no matter what may happen on the day of our next child’s birthday.  I am surrendered to this experience completely and the peace that has settled over me these last days has been a wonderful, wonderful gift.

28 Weeks

It’s possible I only have about 10 more weeks to go. I delivered at 37 weeks last time. At 28 weeks you do your typical blood glucose test where you drink a nasty orange crush type of drink. It’s sickening and sweet and you do it in the morning. For someone who doesn’t drink pop and usually stays away from most intense sweets this is just sickening. I went into this test with much trepidation, but more preparation at least. I walked off what I could of the sugars and drank water, water, water. My midwife told me not to worry and that we wouldn’t even talk about the test results until next appointment.

As a matter of fact my midwife has at every step told me not to worry, to enjoy my time and relax. This is an amazing difference and just what I need to hear. I had an absolutely clean appointment with her. Measuring at exactly 28 weeks, blood pressure of 110/60, weight good (20 pounds over my normal weight), baby’s heartbeat good, everything was great. However drawing two vials of blood and drinking 50 gm of glucose left me woozy and in need of someone else to drive me.

I have been in pain these last 3 weeks with my hip being completely out of place. However I am now seeing a new Chiropractor that specializes in pre-natal care. She is also going to be my Doula and I just love her. I would highly recommend to anyone who cannot have a home birth option or a midwife to hire a doula. Of course finding the right fit is very important as well. The one that I have found is great and I have the added advantage of seeing her for the next weeks until I deliver as my chiropractor. I am eager to hear what she will prescribe me for my health as far as supplements and exercises!  The greatest “feel-good” emotion I have come away with today is that the birth itself will probably cost us only $1,700.  Factor in the doula expense, the hot tub to rent, extra chiropractic care, maybe some accupuncture and massage and we’re still talking about 4k less then we spent last time.  All that and a healthier pregnancy to boot?  Who wouldn’t choose this option if they could?

About Labor

*originally posted June 22

I am 23 weeks along and today was a mixed bag of emotion.  I am measuring a bit big for how far along I am and that isn’t good.  I am operating as though I have diabetes with the need to keep everything under control in that area.  I don’t want a big baby.  Another 6 pound baby would be wonderful.  Maybe I will go early again, I don’t know.  I wonder at times why I went so early last time at 37 weeks, but that’s probably not something I can ever really answer.  I rehashed my labor with Sheryl today and talked about what I remembered having played out.  I know I now have increased risk of tearing as I have had an episiotomy.  Something that I did not want but had no choice in whatsoever, for a 6 pound baby.  I realize there are so many things out of our control in this life and I accept that.  However it feels intensely private when someone can have the ability to cut your own body and not even ask if it’s ok.  Especially when it is a Doctor.

But that was my last journey, that is not this one.  Today Sheryl shed some light on how she handles the laboring woman.  She believes that my body will tell me when it needs to push.  I don’t know what that is like.  I don’t ever remember feeling the need to push last time.  I can’t recall once understanding what the contraction was and understand riding it out.  I felt pain, breathlessness, exhaustion and a desperation that didn’t feel right.  This time, I am sinking into the reality of a healthier pregnancy and a pregnancy without worry and stress and fear.  God taught me so much last time and this time he has set me free of so much.  He has allowed me to heal and begin a process that I cannot wait to experience.  I have, when I have the energy begun to revel in this journey and feel joy for it.

But for today, I am tired, it is in the 90’s with humidity and it just wipes me out.  I am after all pregnant and my body is doing some incredible work.  Thank God for my husband who is willing to do so much for me around the house including cook meals.  I feel the need to do things, but just sitting here my body is doing things, lots of things.  I have a little one kicking my sides and moving constantly.  Healthy lil bugger.  I am so excited to have a homebirth with some privacy and my husband and daughter right there by me.  I cannot begin to explain the elation in knowing Sloane can not only witness, but help in this journey.  In a hospital she wouldn’t be able to be there and that would feel like a loss.  This is just what I have always wanted and I feel privileged to be able to enjoy it!

Today I cried…

*originally posted June 4th

Everything pent up broke free and crashed upon me.  When is it that we realize what we’ve held in, what we’ve kept scared in a dark corner?  What # paintbrush will He use to make that perfect brush stroke that before had underpainting and greyness.

I watched The Business of being Born and I cried.

I felt robbed.

I felt robbed of those love hormones that bring together mom and baby after birth.  I felt robbed of an experience that wasn’t complete.  I cannot express the emotion I now feel or the loss I feel.  I can explain the push it gives me to stand firm in what we chose for our family.

Without great pain you cannot have a great experience.  This I believe in.  This God has taught me.